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Issue 16
MRC Baboons
Vet Council Continues to obfuscate
Local researchers question animal models
Does Dove give a Rats's *** ?
Proposed Code a 'Vivisector's Charter'
Who'll move the cheese ?
Enchantrix - now country-wide distribution
Vivisection retards medical progress
The compassionate Consumer
Dr Vernon's Casebook
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Editorial
Science Cafe
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THE SCIENCE CAFé


      "Oh, my beak and dingeses", squawked the visiting Hadida at the Science Café, established at Roodeplaat in the Interests of Better Science, "the S.A. Veterinary Council does not know the difference between a code and an oath!"
      "Well, what is the difference?" ventured the Canary. They all looked at the Erudite Owl.
      "Obviously," he pondered, "CODE is the acronym for Circumvent Objections and Delay Explanations. This was one of the secret weapons used by the Roodeplaat vivisectors. An Oath is rather more serious. It enables one to commit perjury and say it was not perjury, if you are serving on the Veterinary Board, that is."
      "Yes," said the Little Bird Who Had Flown In," and the S.A. Veterinary Board members have to abide by that. Also, in the interests of transparency, the SAVC have now co-opted a Hadida to the Board in place of Prof Kriek. They could not have both serving at the same time.
      And there is this breakthrough. The researchers have now conceded that monkeys are not perfect models for human beings but they are still the best available.
      Even STANSA have given their stamp of approval to the concept of 'best available model' and have now instructed the S.A. Blood Transfusion Service to use primate blood to alleviate the shortage of human blood. This concept of 'best available model' also means any blood group can now be transfused. And John Austin has consented to be the first patient in the clinical trial This is why he has been supplying Baboon Trapper Viviers with Ketamine to tranquillise the animals being caught on the garden route. And, of course, it had to be done in secret, because it was a very altruistic move."
      "The very epitome of altruisim," gushed the Canary.
      "Sort of let not the left hand know what the right hand is doing?" hesitated the Sparrow.

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